Sometime in 1989, or was it 1990, I wanted to form a book group comprised of my new friends in the Wheaton, IL, area. I had belonged to several book groups prior to moving to Chicagoland, but the model I found most successful was based upon a group I'd been a member of in Berkeley, CA back in the 70's. It was started by Susan Tanner and she got the model from her sister-in-law, Althea Wooley. Where it began before that I know not.
The basic premise was that the group needed to be a specific number of women who were committed to the group as a whole. Experience had shown that a book group open to anyone at anytime rarely stood the chance of sustaining itself over a long period of time. Whereas our Berkeley group began with 16 women that Susan had invited to join, I decided the easiest way for me would be to invite 8 women and let each of them invite someone else. There would not be a theme for the books nor would there be book "review". Discussion was the key. The hostess each month would provide refreshments that must include a bowl of M&M's for conversation sustenance, and would also be the one who would choose the book for the following month.
I remember well the night we first met in my family room. It was dark outside and there was a warm glow in the room of camaraderie and anticipation. I had invited a few friends whom I admired for their intelligence, wit, humor, and kindness. I also had asked each one previously whether or not she liked to read. But the final requirement was trustworthiness. Because any woman can tell you that the greatest secret of success to a book group is not the book chosen, the limited literary dissection that follows, nor the refreshments served, (although chocolate refreshments always enhance), but the ability of the women involved to keep confidences, secrets, and hold someone else's heart, woes and cares very tenderly and carefully next to their own. Great book groups are never about the books read, but about the conversations that often go way into the wee hours of the morning after the book is put down and the women start sharing about their lives, marriages and divorces, husbands or boyfriends, children, parents, jobs, food, church callings, challenges, trials, laughter and tears. I'm not sure, we may have discussed something about politics occasionally, but I know we discussed religion often, that being our most common thread--our belief in our Savior and our commitment to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as LDS women and wives and mothers.
And then I presented our first retreat. About one year after the group was formed, with a few new women joining and some others leaving, we had a sleepover at the Embassy Suites in Lombard. Back then it seemed quite daring to leave our children and husbands and spend a night together in a hotel, allowing us to REALLY stay up all night and talk and eat and explore ideas, some new, some old. This was before Girls' Night Out was GNO and women rarely took vacations with a group of their married friends. It didn't involve alcohol or clubbing or going a little crazy, but maybe a little jumping on the beds and soaking too long in the spa. We were able to gauge how long we'd been in by the wrinkles on our fingers and toes. And by the number of dirty looks we received from children also staying at the hotel that night who wondered if we'd ever relinquish our hogging of the jets.
I don't think anyone could have imagined the night in my living room 22 years ago that we'd still be together to gnosh and gnash in 2011. We went from our 30's and 40's to our 50's and 60's with our oldest member being 85+. These wild women from Wheaton have retreated, reconnected and reconvened, just to name some of the cities, in New York and San Diego, Galena and the Outer Banks, St Louis and Santa Fe, Hilton Head and Washington DC, and don't forget Philadelphia and Branson. So what makes it work we ask ourselves, considering all of us are quite independent and opinionated? We're more like 16 chiefs than 16 followers. Maybe that's the clue? I don't know. Guess we'll have to have another retreat to figure that out. Bring on the M&M's and the nighties.
